I watched my mom get murdered in front of me, it is a miracle I am alive
My dad was a Kurdish immigrant in Italy, and that’s where he met my mom.
They moved back to Kurdistan and he was working for the government.
I am not really sure what he did but from an early age I knew there was always someone after him.
We would constantly move around from house to house. If he wasn’t there, which was a lot of the time, they would come after me and my mom.
I grew up in a war zone and that played a big part in how my life was shaped.
My mom got killed in front of me. I had to watch her die. People had come to get my dad, he wasn’t there so they went after my mom. She hid me, but I had to watch her bleed out. I was nine years old.
People ask if I know who killed her, and I do. My dad killed my mom. Not physically, but his actions led to her being killed.
There was no funeral. No time to grieve. I was bundled into the back of a car and didn’t know if I was going to die. Then someone kissed me on the head and promised me that nobody would hurt me. That guy saved my life.
There are no photos in a war torn country so I have no pictures of my mom. But I can remember her as a strong woman, she would be proud of me today.
Now I have a wife and two beautiful children, but when they ask where is my momma, I have to say she is in heaven. Even today I try not to think about it – that is how I numb the pain.
Up until the age of about fourteen or fifteen I would blame myself. Why could I not do anything to help her? But I was a child, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
It fucked me up.
From a life of living in fear, moving to England as a refugee saved me
For another couple of years or so I stayed there, and moved from house to house. I made no friends – what’s the point? Soon enough we would be forced to move on again. I was then taken to Syria – as a young child I was still scared for my safety. Twenty one hours in the car it took. I could hear them saying we could get killed at the border.
Once I was in Syria I went to the British Embassy, and here I had my first interview. I spoke no English, but was able to emigrate to England at about the age of 12.
After having to stay in Syria for six to nine months waiting for the process to be sorted I was eventually flown to England. My dad was already over there and met me at the airport. I was so angry. He went to hug me but I wasn’t interested. I lived with him for about six months, and then moved out.
Even though I was still young, it was at that time I met my wife, and moved in with her family – that is why I call her dad, my dad. He showed me everything, and still does now.
I am proud to be Kurdish, and I represent them. It’s a fucked up country, every day is a warzone, people are getting killed and murdered every day – it just becomes normal – but they are my people.
I am grateful to have grown up in England. The people opened up the doors for us and if it wasn’t for that I’d be dead. They gave me a life I didn’t have.
That’s why, when I fight I represent both countries. I am proud to represent the flag of the UK.
I get huge support from the Kurdish community, and it means a lot to me to carry that flag on my shoulder.
